Pope John-Paul II has urged all French Catholics to move to the Vatican immediately to escape anti-Catholic sentiments in France.
He told a meeting of devouts in Rome that Catholics around the world should relocate to the Vatican as early as possible.
But for those living in France, he added, moving was a "must" because of rising violence against Catholics there.
France's foreign ministry said it had asked the Vatican for an explanation of the "unacceptable comments".
French Catholic leaders, interviewed on France-2 Television, said the Pope's remarks were unhelpful.
"These comments do not bring calm, peace and serenity that we all need," said Patrick Gaubert, of the International League Against Racism and Anti-Semitism (Licra). "I think the Pope would have done better to have kept quiet."
The Pope acknowledged that the Paris government had made efforts to tackle the problem.
He pointed out that France had a large Muslim community estimated at less than 10% of population, or about five million.
The Pope said his advice to French Catholics was that moving to the Vatican was "a must and they have to move immediately".
While the Pope urged French Catholics to move to the Vatican because of anti-Catholicism, the Vatican has also encouraged Catholic immigration for obvious demographic reasons.
If the current population trends continue, it is estimated that Catholics will be outnumbered by non-Catholics in the tiny territory that the Vatican controls within 10 to 15 years.
Correspondents in Paris say this is not the first time that the Pope has spoken about the need for French Catholics to leave for the Vatican but rarely has he been so blunt.
"We have immediately made contact with the Vatican authorities to ask them for explanations about these unacceptable statements," said French foreign ministry spokesman Herve Ladsous.
There is reported to be irritation in France at the idea that life for Catholics, who represent approximately 80% of the population, is becoming dangerous - especially as the government has made every effort to show that anti-Catholic acts will be severely punished.
"It's not up to him to decide for us," said President Jacques Chirac, himself a devout Catholic.
But his haste only aggravated passions among many in the Muslim community who feel they are the instant scapegoats, observers say.
Personal story: Reflection on the greed of corporations
Just a little personal experience here. Yesterday. I'm still amazed and rather angry about it, so I thought I'd vent it out here, :-)
Mobile (or, cell) phones here are everywhere. Seems like a craze. There are more cell phones in France than ppl. I don't know how we manage this.
Personally, I've never really taken to them, but since it is virtually impossible to live a normal life here if you don't have one, I reluctantly went for the cheapest formula available 6 months after I arrived here, nearly 5 years ago. The plan is a monthly subscription with SFR (one of the several network corporations which dominate the market), which, for 7 € / month gives me no calling time but means I can be reached any time - any call I make on it is extra, charged by the second. Suits me fine as I never use it to make calls (except in emergencies - say I go on a bike ride, or something, just in case).
The actual phone is naturally by today's standards a pretty prehistorical piece of shit. But, hey, considering I can go 2 months without getting a call on it, and 6 months without making one, and since it works, I saw no need to upgrade.
Until 3 days ago. Lately, the NiMh battery is showing clear signs of impending death: the phone's autonomy in stanby is now 30 minutes, and only 30 seconds as soon as it's engaged in a call. At the moment, because of circumstances, I NEED a working/useable cell phone, and this for the next few days.
So I naively went to several mobile phone centers in search for a new battery. After a full day's run around getting nowhere fast except spending tens of euros on gas, it at last dawned on me that I was NOT going to find a replacement battery: I would HAVE to buy a new phone. Sigh. Ok, let's do it since I have to.
Off to Carrefour. There, I learn that, far from being able to choose from any of the hundreds of cell phones on display, my subscription with SFR means I can only choose from 4, ranging from 69 to 129 €. Since I was in the upgrade frame of mind, I thought I'd like to get one with a lid because as I found in the past while riding my bike, the buttons tend to get pressed accidentally. So now I'm reduced to 2 models, the 89€ Samsung and the 129€ panasonic (which takes digital photos - yeah, as if I need to take fuckin' photos).
Ok, Mr Carrefour, I say, let's go for the 89€ Samsung. They proceed with the formalities, but at some stage say:
- mmm.... looks like you must be on the "ABC" plan, the cheapest one, right? - don't have a clue, but it could well be. Is that a problem? - Yes: we are not authorized to carry out the upgrade. You'll have to go to an SFR center
Ok, off I am to Mr SFR. Repeat my story. Same answers, naturally, concerning what choice of cell phones I have. And so, since THEY are able to carry out the upgrade, let's go and get this Samsung phone and get it over and done with - I'd like to get home sometime instead of spending my entire day off chasing them cell phones.
- No problem Sir (yes, salesppl are talking just like in Florida - subservience plus, only to screw you better). Please make yourself comfortable, this won't take but a minute. Would you like to see the phone? - No, s'ok, I already seen it at Carrefour. Looks cute. Let's get on with the paper work please so that I can go home.
....10 minutes go by during which she wizzkids around pulling out the chip out of my old phone, sticks it in gizmos with LCD screens, types away like a computer programmer, etc.
- All done Sir. Please sign these 6 contract sheets of paper and make the check of 169€ out to SFR. - 169€??? But it's only 89 at Carrefour... - Yes Sir, but it's because you're on the budget plan (the infamous "ABC" one!) and so the special discounts don't apply. - Ah. I see. Ok. Well, fine.
... I write the check, sign the forms, etc... By now, I'm starting to be really pissed with the entire exercise.
- By the way Sir, you have made a significant investment here: 169€ for a cell phone is quite a price by today's standards, even if it *IS* indeed a very nice phone. (you don't say, bitch!) You realize of course that if you dropped your phone and it got smashed, you'd have no recourse whatsoever? But I have the answer: for only 5 € a month, we SFR offer an insurance that will not only protect you from physical damage to your phone but also from theft and illicitly made phone calls on your cell phone. Here is the form to sign!
I was kinda speechless for a few seconds. I was on the verge of blowing up, so I ventured out my feelings in a subdue way (well, subdue for me):
- mmm... lemme get this straight: I subscribed to your *cheapest* offer. I need a new phone because my old one is useless. Your system is rigged in such a manner that I can't access the discount upgrade via Carrefour, i.e. your system is rigged so that the ppl in most need of discount offers can't have them, right? Then you charge me for a cell phone at nearly twice the price available at Carrefour. Am I still right? And lastly you have the audacity to tell me that because I had to pay through the nose for that fuckin' phone, out of the goodness of your and SFR's heart, you *OFFER* me to monthly pay nearly as much as my subscription just to insure the fuckin' thing???? - I beg your pardon, Sir, no need to be rude with me! - Then, pack the fuckin' thing up quick and shove your insurance contract where it feels best.
Am I missing something? Duh. If not, then clearly the French corporations have learned their lessons from their American masters. Yuck!
Professor Nouveau En Route to Paris for Lecture Tour
Found this cute anecdote which I hope will make ya'll smile. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The very distinguished historian and gadget collector Professor Art Nouveau will soon begin his much anticipated three continent lecture tour. Traveling by steamship from his home in Brooklyn, New York, Professor Nouveau and his lovely young assistant Miss Maria Simpson are heading for France aboard the fabulous S/S Queen Camilla.
Professor Art Nouveau
The professor is carrying with him an assortment of secret Mapquest maps, Egyptian board games, a variety of machines that remove the shells from hard-boiled eggs, and his collection of fake diplomas from Brooklyn College, Oxford, Princeton, and the University of Phoenix.
Professor Art Nouveau was recently given an Honorary Degree from Fairleigh Dickinson University for his work on 14th century mating rituals among the natives on the island of Ricola. At the afternoon tea following the award ceremony, Professor Nouveau was introduced to Miss Simpson, a freshman student of history from nearby Hoboken. The two, discovering their common fascination with billiards and photography, immediately hit it off and soon left to spend a weekend in a secluded cottage comparing notes and small hand operated kitchen gadgets.
Miss Maria Simpson, perfecting her game.
When word got around town that the Professor and his “assistant” were dancing together naked in the garden, a group of ministers soon came calling and the couple had to make a hasty departure from the cottage. Professor Nouveau then used a borrowed French Express debit card to purchase the steamship tickets from a local travel agency.
Miss Simpson found a phone booth and placed a collect call to her parents---who it turns out were delighted to hear of the news that their little Maria was about to embark on a three continent tour with the famous Professor Art Nouveau. Promising that she would mail them a post card once she reached Paris, tearful Maria said goodbye and joined the Professor who was struggling with their four large steamer trunks. After a harrowing trip on six different steetcars and subway trains, Professor Nouveau, Miss Simpson, and their entire luggage ensemble made it to the docks just in time for the departure of the Queen Camilla.
The magnificent S/S Queen Camilla
After a tour of the engine room and three deck-side fire drills, the Professor and his lovely assistant had dinner with the Captain of the Camilla in the his private quarters. This proved to be quite embarrassing as the Captain insisted on trying to peek up Miss Simpson’s evening gown. Managing to extricate themselves from the situation by slipping something into the Captain's drink, Professor Nouveau and Miss Simpson found their way back to their own compartment in steerage. They spent the night in the small single berth, rocking together as the Queen Camilla rolled over the ocean waves on the long, slow voyage to France and all the adventures that lay beyond.
The French postcard that Miss Simpson mailed home to her parents in Hoboken:
------------------------- ------------ Dear Mother and Father, Having a wonderful time in Paris. Professor Nouveau introduced me to two of his old friends. We picnic together frequently. The four of us will be coming to stay with you for a nice long visit this coming fall. Please prepare the large upstairs bedroom.
INTERN - Uh, God? I think you'd better get in here.
GOD ---- Not good my son. You accidentally deleted South America.
INTERN - How'd you know .. uh, never mind. I'm sorry I was just playing around with this new Hurricane program when .. I don't know what happened .. one minute the South America icon was there, now it's gone.
GOD ---- Did you check the recycle bin? I know the answer to that but I want you to contemplate.
INTERN - Yes God I did. It's not even in Control Panel / Add_Remove_Programs.
GOD ----- Maybe you can use that GOBACK program to retrieve a backup. You'd better hurry. Folks down there in Mexico are already driving into the ocean.
INTERN - The last valid backup of South America is from 1914, the time of ..
GOD ---- We can't put THAT one out there, Pancho Villa and all.
INTERN - Can't you just whip up a new South America icon and stick it on the desktop?
GOD --- I could but I don't work that way. I'd really hate to reformat the planet again but right now that seems to be our only option. Think my son, what were you doing before South America disappeared?
INTERN - Well .. I .. oh .. I was Kazza'ing down the new Backstreet Boy's Comeback cd when ..
GOD ---- Well? Why not check the Kazza "My Shared Folder" ? Maybe South America's in there.
INTERN - Not there Lord. Maybe Microsoft could help us.
GOD ---- Have you ever thought about going into comedy? Here, let's try this. Let's just send down a Hotmail to everyone on Earth telling them not to drive South of Tapachulaf Mexico until we have the matter resolved.
INTERN - Ok God. Your Hotmail account or mine?
GOD ---- Better use yours, I get spammed everytime I use mine. Everyone wants to sell me an X-Cam it seems. Oh, and son?
INTERN - God?
GOD ---- Be careful with that North America icon. I'd like to see how that election comes out. I know the answer but I'd like you to contemplate ..
George Bush grants amnesty to illegal immigrants, announces George Lopez as running mate
G-Lo showing the paparazzi how he refused Bush's offer.
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In an unprecedented move to secure a solid win in the November election, President Bush today announced blanket amnesty for all illegal immigrants in America regardless of their green card status, and he confided to reporters his new choice for a running mate is comedian George Lopez.
“America is the land of opportunity,” the president stated during a specially scheduled White House press conference, “and I see a huge opportunity here to land yet another term as your illegal president.”
“John/John versus George/George - that’s the ticket,” said Bush. “Scissors cut paper, paper covers rock, rock smashes scissors, ‘G’ comes befoe ‘J’ in the alphabet.”
A confused Lopez, the Latino star of the popular George Lopez Show on the ABC network, told reporters that while he had considered the offer “for about 10 seconds” he quickly told Bush that he wasn’t interested in running with a man often termed by co-workers as “overwhelmingly psychotic.”
“It would ruin my ratings,” said Lopez. “I told Horhay ‘No’ but the man never listens to anyone.”
“I think he makes it up as he goes along,” Lopez added, "but isn't that true with all comedians?"
Bush, seemingly clueless that Lopez had refused his offer, went on to tell reporters that even though Kerry had chosen a more handsome and seasoned running mate, “you better watch out because young, good-looking politicians use cocaine, drink like fish, and have deplorable driving records.”
Current Vice President Dick Cheney, recently hospitalized and undergoing treatment for his ninth “cardiac episode,” had no comment, but family and friends state that he is optimistic about his future as a long-term care patient at D.C.'s George Washington University Hospital.
Elected by a minority vote, the Bush win in November of 2000 proved a huge political upset to Americans since the total votes counted at the polls showed a clear win for Al Gore, Jr. Still stinging from the defeat, Gore commented on the amnesty issue from his summer home in Carthage, Tennessee.
“Did you ever hear the one about the difference between a porcupine and a White House ruled by Republicans?” he asked journalists. “I don’t remember the punch line but it’s pretty darned funny!”
(Crawford TX) — President George W. Bush, who is supposed to be vacationing at his Crawford ranch, has disappeared! Yesterday morning when the President’s wife Laura went to wake her husband, he was gone. The secret service has combed Bush’s entire ranch, but there is no sign of the 43rd President. The President was last seen Tuesday evening around 8:30 pm CDT, dressed in yellow and blue Poke Mon pajamas.
There have been several theories put forth about his disappearance, most notably a theory proposed by famed physicist Stephen Hawking.
Mr. Hawking, speaking from his home in Oxford, surmises that President Bush has actually ceased to exist. Hawking has stated the following. “With what we now know about Quantum Physics, the only possible answer is, he’s gone. There are two important lessons in Quantum Mechanics. Lesson One; perception is reality. Lesson Two; an observed object behaves differently than an un-observed object. I believe that due to George W's desire to destroy all records of his mistakes and lies, the CIA has inadvertently wiped out every piece of information about him.” Hawking added, “It is like this; Every record of every shady event of President Bush’s life had to be destroyed and other than his birth certificate, there was nothing left to verify that he had ever lived. And if the CIA was also doing the same thing to his father’s records, they would have had no choice but to destroy the record of George H.W's most embarrassing mistake, which would have meant destroying George W’s birth certificate. So with all records of Bush’s existence gone, there is no perception of his being. The only thing that had kept him visible was the fact that he was being observed. But when he went to bed, he was obviously alone and not observed. Therefore he just blinked out, gone.”
The Spoof has contacted the CIA about Hawking’s theory. The CIA, while not accepting credit or responsibility for the President’s disappearance, has released the following memo.
(Washington DC-13:30 hours 7/22/2004) — We at the CIA acknowledge that while Mr. Hawking’s theory may be valid, we are not yet ready to substantiate his claim. The CIA has erased the records of tens of thousands of persons, but we always killed the person first. This is the first time that we have erased all records of a living person so Mr. Hawkings may or may not be correct. CIA Special Agent Valerie Plame will be conducting the investigation into the President’s disappearance and she will let her findings be known at a much later date.
It has also been reported that two Secret Service agents were worried about the President as early as last Sunday night. On that night, the agents were asking some of the ranch’s full-time staff if the President was looking a little translucent lately. The ranch staff, some who have been with the Bushes since the early 70’s, laughingly told the agents not to worry because they have been able to see through the sumbitch for 30 years. It was not until this morning that the staff realized the Secret Service agents were being serious.
The FBI meanwhile has refused to help look for the missing President. The answering machine at the FBI headquarters in Langley, Virginia is advising all callers to tell the President to “Go Find Yourself!” Or words similar to those.
Cheney admits IRAN and IRAQ spelling very similar to IRA
Washington DC (Riotous) - Aides of Vice President Dick Cheney have issued a hasty statement on behalf of the beleagured ex-Halliburton CEO amid new CIA reports naming Iran as the transit point of Al Qaeda 9/11 operatives:
"Mr Cheney now admits he and Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld may have got the geography wrong in sending US troops to Iraq instead of Iran. The original intelligence came from the Colonel Oilver North Wing of the Pentagon and was unfortunately partly shredded through clerical error before it could be decoded properly.
"The words 'terrorists' and 'IRA' were clear on the communique from the UK's MI6 contacts at Mossad HQ in Las Vegas detailing the post-9/11 threat to the US.
"The Defense Department was pretty sure that the IRA - that is the Irish Liberation Army - could not be involved because UK Premier Tony Blair 's close aides Peter Mandelson and Alistair Campbell said so. The Vice President therefore advised that the missing letter after the "a" must be a "q" and not an "n" because Saddam was a bad boy with more oil than sense and with an election due later in 2004, American voters had a need to know that their gas tanks could be filled up at around $1 a gallon in the forseeable future."
Tour de France Shocker as Lance Armstrong Flies to Victory
Hope you enjoy this. I hope Lance wins yet again. I enjoy anything that pisses off nationalistic feelings, be they American or French :-) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Up, up and away… hehe… suckers…!”
Tour de Farce: Shockwaves have been sent around the cycling world as yesterday’s 197.5 kilometre stage, from Castelsarrasin to La Mongie, was taken by storm in rather unconventional circumstances. Five-time Tour de France champion Lance Armstrong, having already broken most Tour records, has soared to new heights by being the first competitor to fly to victory using a spectacular flying pedal-driven bat-like wing machine.
Lance, despite winning the Team Time Trial with his US Postal team, had been relatively quiet up to that point, and pundits had been expecting the defending champion to launch his attack at any time – but not like this. Nothing had marked out Stage 12 as anything out of the ordinary. The weather was fair, if a little overcast; the road was flat, although it ended in a steep hill climb. Yet 20 minutes into the day’s run, one cyclist had been disqualified for failing a routine drugs test and another was circling above the peloton in what was essentially a flying wooden bat, cackling like a witch high on LSD.
Determined to secure a record sixth Tour de France victory, Lance Armstrong had not spent the months building up to the Tour training as usual, but actually building a flying machine that would wing him to victory, basing it on Leonardo da Vinci’s famous first attempt:
da Vinci's original diagrams
When this proved unsuccessful, Armstrong modified it according to Sir William Henson’s Aerial Steam Carriage, adding in the mechanics for a pedal rather than steam-operated engine:
Henson's Aerial Carriage in action
Arch-rival Jan Ullrich, who was cycling beside the 5-time champion when the transformation from bicycle to cycle-plane happened, recounted how Lance stopped pedalling, shouted “Go Go Gadget Plane”, then soared up into the heavens and away to the stage victory and 2hr48 minute lead. Spectators and competitors alike, above all the French who never cease to accuse Lance of cheating ever since he was born an American, had been expecting these unprecedented and infuriating antics to result in disqualification from the Tour. However, it has emerged that, via a string of bizarre legal loopholes, Lance’s actions were entirely legitimate, and a repeat performance is expected again today. Lance’s rivals, however, have other plans: an incensed French cyclist, Richard Virenque, has revealed to theSpoof.com that any future aerial attempts by Lance will be met with a sharp blow to the skull from a French baguette, possibly laced with Camembert.
Lance was unavailable for comment after the hallmark stage since a rare pigeon attack had left him with countless skin sores and a face covered in faeces. A US Postal spokesman, however, revealed that the team had been planning this coup for a number of months after discovering the loophole in the Tour rules. Apparently, since it is perfectly legitimate for cyclists to hold on to team cars whilst receiving team instructions or taking in food and water, an extension of this must dictate that it is legitimate for cyclists to “hold on” to team aeroplanes, or other flying apparati. The rules stipulate the no ground must be gained – but since, by flying, the bicycle is not actually touching earth, these and any associated rules are bypassed.
Officials, unable to change the Tour’s rules mid-tournament, are now mulling over modifications to prevent replication of flying tactics in future Tours. Other sources have, on the contrary, reported that the top Tour executives are considering modernisation. “The Tour de France has now been running on bicycles for 101 years”, an unnamed source explained. “Maybe now it’s time to embrace the 21st Century. Maybe now it’s time we competed in pedal-propelled flying bat machines.”
Strange how the entire western world is obnubilated by the threat of terrorism - which, while I don't have any figures handy, must run into the 10s of thousands of ppl dying each year - but is all but impervious to the threat of AIDS and other major diseases - which kill 6 million ppl every year.
Even stranger is our priorities for funding the fights: if I read right, we're talking about a few hundred million euros for AIDS. Now, how many billions have been spent in the Iraq war alone (not to mention the fact it has done nothing to reduce terrorism)? ~~~~~~~~~~
Nelson Mandela wants countries to unite in fight against incurable epidemics (Photo: EU Commission)
16.07.2004 - 16:11 CET | By Natasha Kent
EUOBSERVER / BRUSSELS -- The European Commission said yesterday (16 July) that it would pay 42 million euros to the United Nations Global Fund for the fight against Aids, tuberculosis and malaria.
The commission released its statement on the same day that the Bill Gates Foundation said it would donate 50 million dollars (40.5 million euros) and former South African president Nelson Mandela made a rare public appearance at the Aids conference in Bangkok to urge donors to up their contributions to the fund.
Mr Mandela's appearance was widely construed a veiled dig at the United States after it rejected United Nations Secretary-General Kofi Annan's challenge to donate one billion dollars (810 million euros) a year to the fund and to show the same commitment to Aids that it showed its fight against terrorism.
However, the US is the largest single contributor to the fund followed by the European Commission, with 18 percent of payments so far. According to Reuters, the US has pledged 200 million dollars (162 million euros) to the fund for 2005 while the Commission has pledged 460 million euros for the period 2001-2006.
EU Commissioner for Development and Humanitarian Aid Poul Nielson said: "With today's decision we have already honoured over 80 per cent of our pledge to the Global Fund from 2002 to 2006."
An estimated six million people die every year from Aids, tuberculosis and malaria.
A Senate panel not only determined the U.S. used bad information to justify the war in Iraq, it also weighed in on a report that President Bush may have received faulty intelligence from God.
Bush, who claims to have consulted the Lord before making the decision to go to war, said God convinced him that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction and told him Saddam Hussein was a "madman" and a "freedom-hating thug." When asked specifically if Hussein was connected to al Qaeda, Bush said the Creator-in-Chief responded, "Yep."
But the Senate panel investigating pre-war intelligence said that, even though the president talks about religion a lot and ends every speech with the words "God Bless America," it could find no direct link between President Bush and the Lord.
However, Vice President Dick Cheney defended a possible White House-Heaven link, saying the absence of documentation that Bush talked directly to God does not mean such a meeting did not take place.
Washington observers say the possibility that Bush got bad intelligence from "the man upstairs" has not diminished the president's faith in God. Bush has resisted pressure to dump the Lord from his Cabinet and said the omnipotent deity is doing "a fabulous job."
Supporters say they cannot blame Bush for faulty intelligence about Iraq's weapons if it came directly from the great warrior in the sky. Democrats, however, claim the intelligence failure between Bush and the Lord dates back as early as 1946, when God created the future president.
Court ruling on Israeli barrier gets cautious response
From what I saw on TV, the Israeli gov wasn't exactly "muted", but said they couldn't care less about The Hague's tribunal ruling.
But then, since when have they cared about any international law? ~~~~~~~~~ 09.07.2004 - 17:50 CET | By Andrew Beatty EUOBSERVER / BRUSSELS -
The EU has given a muted response to Friday's International Court of Justice ruling that Israel's West Bank barrier is illegal and should be removed.
Diplomats and officials say they need to see the detail before commenting, but continue to express concern about the 660km barrier.
The International Court of Justice ruled on Friday that the barrier - large sections of which run on Palestinian land - could not be justified for military reasons.
Israeli defence forces say the fence has resulted in a 90% drop in casualties in the areas where the fence has been built compared with last year.
However, the Court announced on Friday that its judges had voted 14 to one to declare it in breach of international law.
On the fence "We need to study this ruling in more detail", Commission spokesperson Jean-Christophe Filori told journalists on Friday.
The EU is treading lightly as the ruling threatens to expose internal EU divisions and pose a difficult strategic problem for the Union.
While all in the EU agree that the route needs to be changed in order to minimise the harm done to Palestinian civilians, many do not think the Court should rule on the matter.
The EU abstained earlier this year during a vote on whether the matter should be passed to the ICJ claiming that the matter was political and should not be dealt with judicially.
The Court today rejected the accusation that it did not have the jurisdiction to examine the case.
Many see another abstention as the likely common position of the EU when the matter goes back to the UN.
Meanwhile, the Union is struggling between the conflicting aims of supporting the Court and shaking the already wobbly peace process in the Middle East.
Taking a stance EU diplomats have expressed concern that Arab states backing a possible General Assembly resolution could jeopardise the Israeli disengagement plan.
At the same time, the EU does not want to be seen as undermining the work of multilateral institutions.
The Union has made supporting international courts and institutions a key pillar of its common foreign policy.
It has repeatedly pressured Western Balkan countries to comply fully with the International Criminal Tribunal in the Hague in order to further integrate with the EU, making it difficult for the Union to ignore the court's opinion.
The matter is not said to be on the agenda when Foreign Ministers meet in Brussels on Monday, however diplomats say that they would be surprised if it was not raised informally.
The matter could go the UN Security Council raising the prospect of sanctions if Israel does not comply with the court's rulings, although the US is likely to veto such a move.
Legal analysts say Saddam Hussein plans to fight charges of war crimes and genocide by pleading temporary insanity.
"I am Saddam Hussein, president of Iraq," said the disgraced ex-dictator, adding, "Saddam I am. I do not like green eggs and ham."
Hussein told an Iraqi judge that he is also a CIA hitman, a Mesopotamian deity and a porn star known by the stage name Dick Tater. The desperate Hussein also claimed he partied with Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld back in 1983-84.
Noted legal superstar Johnnie Cochran told Don Imus that he told Oprah that Hussein's insanity defense is bolstered by the fact that President Bush has called him a "madman" approximately 12,465 times since Sept. 1, 2001.
But White House spokesman Scott McClellan responded that Bush used the term "rhetorically," much like the words "grave and gathering threat," "weapons of mass destruction" and "links to al Qaeda."
McClellan reminded reporters that God had specifically instructed President Bush to take over Iraq and fulfill his destiny as a war president, even if it meant getting thousands of people killed.
Hussein defense attorney F. Lee Chalabi said his client has been a "nutjob" since 1988 when he accidentally inhaled some mustard gas while wiping out some infidels. His legal team estimates the American media has referred to Hussein as the "wacky Iraqi" an estimated 2.4 million times.
"This is all theater. The real criminal is Bush," a defiant Hussein told the judge while swatting away imaginary fruit flies and humming "U Can't Touch This" by M.C. Hammer.
"Hussein. Rhymes with 'insane'. Can you dig it?" concluded the wacky Iraqi madman.
Slobodan Milosevic has developed a splitting headache after listening to hours of testimony about his alleged war crimes in Yugoslavia. "These horrible stories are enough to give any man a headache! I even ran out of aspirin,” said Slobidan to Spoof Reporter, Morgan Truce.
Thousands of well-wishers sent the 62-year-old former Yugoslav president sack fulls of get-well cards. The majority of the cards were cheery-- urging Milosevic to "Get Well Soon So We Can Hang You!" and "Hope You're Feeling Better! (signed) The Firing Squad."
Milosevic took a phone call from Saddam Hussein late yesterday:
Slobidan: "Hey, Saddam... how’s it hang.. uh… how's it going for you?"
Saddam: "Well, Slobidan things have been better, you know."
Slobidan: "You have to keep strong. Don't let them see any weakness. This headache thing seems to be working for me. Maybe they won't hang me after all!
Saddam: "I don't have a headache, but I do have one hell of a case of diarrhea from all those MRE's.
Slobidan: "That might work... I don't think they like to hang people that would leave such a mess on the scaffold."
Saddam: Okey Doakey Slobidan, I've go to go now, Bye"
All EU workers entitled to same tax benefits, Court rules
This might be good news regarding much needed tax reforms here! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ 02.07.2004 - 10:07 CET | By Mark Beunderman
EU citizens working temporarily in another member state should have the same tax benefits as nationals, the European Court of Justice has ruled.
In a judgement yesterday (1 July) the Court went against Swedish tax authorities, which had refused to grant exemption from Swedish income tax to a German pursuing a job for a few months with the Church of Sweden.
The Swedes argued that the German was not an official resident in Sweden and that legally he was therefore not entitled to Swedish tax benefits for temporary workers.
The situation of the German student was legally specific as he paid no taxes in Germany either, being financed partially by his parents and for another part by a scholarship from the German state.
However, this is typically the situation which many other EU students or youngsters would find themselves in while working in another member state.
The Court in Luxembourg has now ruled that they should benefit fully from tax allowances in the countries they work.
"Good news for students" In their ruling, the European judges referred to article 39 of the EU treaty, which forbids "any discrimination based on nationality between workers of the member states."
The European Commission, which had intervened in the case to make the case for the German, said it is satisfied with the judgement.
A Commission spokesman stated on Thursday (1 July): "The Commission welcomes the ruling because it removes an obstacle to free movement [between EU countries] of workers"
He told the EUobserver: "This is good news for people working temporarily in another EU member state such as students."
The Finnish and French authorities had also sent lawyers to Luxembourg to support the Swedish government's position - but without success.
They claimed that foreign EU temporary workers already enjoyed lower tax rates than their nationals - which made further exemptions for foreigners unfair.
Moreover, the Finns argued that the coherence of their tax system was at stake.
Bin Laden's envious of Iraq and wants his own Puppet Regime
Criminal mastermind Osama Bin Laden says Iraq has a puppet regime, and he wants one as well.
"Why should the Iraqis have all the fun?" Bin Laden is quoted as saying, speaking to a reporter for The Fugitive Herald in Hoonoswhere, Afghanistan. "I love puppets, I've always been a puppet kind of guy. Love the Muppets, except for that tart, Miss Piggy. She needs to wear a veil too because she's just, well, let's face it, she's butt-ugly. There, I said it. But I love puppets. I think every third world country, every Arab nation, should have a puppet regime."
Bin Laden also tells reporters he thinks Bert is not gay.
"Nah, Bert's not gay. Babe, come on. Just because a guy likes a rubber ducky in the tub, doesn't mean he's a homo. If you ask me, that Ernie is the one who you need to watch. Now that guy is just gay. What straught man laughs like that? I tell you, if they ever did "The Nathan Lane Story", Ernie could play him. He's a real Tinkerbell in real life." Bin Laden says he would not want to be personally involved in any puppet regime but would support it. "Nah, I really don't see me with my hand stuck inside a puppet, but I would definitely support anyone in that position."
Asked if he had any suggestions for puppet candidates he responded, "Well, I'd like to see my pal Bert, or even Oscar the Grouch. Grover's too goofy but Mr. Snuffleupagus could kick some serious booty."
Blogs that suck:NoGuru's blog
(fascist, racist and proud of it. Hatred and dumb rhetoric are his fav. pastimes). "Just my opinion, but I'll stick to it, just like a fly to shit" Reducto's blog
(written with the vision and logic of a deep-fried zucchini. Highly recommended for a good laugh)
BushLover's blog
(take a Noguru fruitcake, add more fascist sauce, sprinkle with threatening & bullying spices, and you've got a perfect BushLover dessert). Rsheinfield's blog
(pro-israel fanatic - anything the Israel gov says or does is gospel, including mass murder)
RedTigress's blog
(same as above + delightfully racist and fascist. An embarrassment to the Tiger species)
SithSense's blog
(same as above, + he just LOVES dead bodies and massacres)
Jim Doney's blog
(kinda like Reducto's blog. Just change "zucchini" to "potato")
ajhankin's blog
(same as above)
Defensor's blog
(another fascist bore)
LynnKramer's blog
(curious case of religious zealotry having reached advanced paranoiac delusional condition. Also a delightful source of racist blogs (her fav targets are the French, closely followed by Germans - but any European target will do just fine)
jrogg's blog
(not quite as dumb as Reducto, but ok for a bit of fun every now & then. There's hope for him)
Stepdad's blog
(yet another [sigh!] fascist nutcase)
Deshanews's blog
(same as above)
Camel dropping's blog
(A shameful insult to the otherwise very cute and cudly species of camels and dromedaries.
But, as CamelFace himself proudly announces, his thinking mode is achieved by farting through his own brain)
